A lot to think about

Lately something must have been preying on my mind. The reason I say that is because I've been having very vivid dreams, all about relationships. It seems that I am trying to imagine myself in good ones, in order to appease my mind, which I can only presume, does not wish to wait for reality to kick in.

The funny thing is I've really enjoyed there dreams, as they make me feel happy about being in a relationships. Maybe the dream is like a test to see if its what I really want, or maybe I'm just lonely and its trying to inform me!

Or maybe I should just have better dreams!

Location : Bolton BL2 6HX,

Dating is for girls!

So hopefully I clawed you in by using the title that I did! But from my own minimalist experience, it's quite true. But there is a reality behind that statement and that is, that girls overall have tons more confidence than a typical male. This confidence, coupled with a most likely decent looking face, helps women attract attention. As well as some obvious physical features that they are usually willing to flaunt!

In my personal experience, I must now have tried at least 3 dating sites and one of them has a wealth of beauty on it. The truth, however, is that however hard some guys try, beautiful women will not be attracted to them. These women set their own standards incredibly high so as to feed their own insecure egos, I presume? Yet it is usually they who are"looking for a decent guy", "who knows how to treat a lady" and want men still to fall over them.

Luckily I do believe that it is they that will have the unhappy futures. I hope I'm right.

Location : 46-60 Garstang Ave, Bolton BL2 6,

Life IS hard

It's hard to think, that when you really get down to it, not many people can really know who you are. So you might think I'm on some kind of identity crisis, but thta's not what this is. The fact is that I know very well who I am, but I worry sometimes that the people who are my friends, dont know the first thing about me. Should I be worried that nobody could really describe my personality accurately, because I don't let enough of it show?
Realistically, my problems lie deeper, of course. I really need to find a female companion who I can share things with and who knows and accepts me for the person that I am, and who I can laugh about myself with. It's disheartening to see some of my female friends who are fairly attractive, waste their time with ex-boyfriends and people they've randomly met. Why doesn't this happen to me, I wonder? I sometimes wish I was a different person with the same personality, and wonder what it would be like and how different their reactions would be to me.
I guess I have to put up with a bit of shitness to compensate the world for the excellent life I'm about to begin, yeah? Hmmm... well that remains to be seen!

Death ...again

Once again I come to blog about death, and this time it's more personal. This time I am not blogging about thoughts on death, but blogging because of death, a death in my family.
Losing family is possibly the hardest thing to come to terms with in life, but I think I am doing fine myself. I can't begin to describe thoughts that crossed my mind when I found that my father had died. I won't go in to the morbid details of where and when my mother and I found out, but emotion would burst in to my mind, crash through my eyes and leave my body in the form of tears. You simply cannot hold that back, and really, you shouldn't either. As I've mentioned in my earlier blogs, I often wonder how people will think of me when I die, but I don't think my father ever ad the same insecurities, but how would I know?
The story of my father is troubled, and most recently, he has had a stroke and been stuck in the confines of a bed and chair at our local nursing home, where care is just a word. I think despite his lowered cerebral competence, I truly believe that the stroke allowed him to re-evaluate what were (in his heart) the most important things to him - his family.
I will be taking these thoughts with me throughout his funeral and the coming week so that I can have comfort in the fact that death brings people together and that his family will be travelling from mainland Europe to be here in England for him, and for us.

Pay me attention...says the woman..

I'm writing this blog to put my mind at rest. It's pretty simple, i'm sick of being single. Or, at the very least i'm craving some female attention. I would call myself a complicated being but like everyone else, i have simple needs! Every waking minute i have free (i don't have many of those at the moment!) is spent thinking about one of several girls. Here's where it gets messy, or i guess, complicated. One, is some years younger than i am, but has really been a good friend through a hard time. I don't think i want anything real from this girl but she is very attractive and i sometimes think about her in ways i shouldn't! Another direction i'm being pulled from, away mostly, is the girl i used to call my best friend. I guess its partly my fault but we have drifted apart very suddenly from each other and i was very hurt by how i was treated by her over christmas. It was the first christmas i really needed all my friends, as my dad couldn't be at home with us. She had being seeing someone and decided to keep it from me and say that we needed some time apart. Great timing. Girl one thinks i still love girl two but, and i mean this in the relationship sense, i don't love her any more and the only love for her i have is as a friend. But she is slowly withering that away, which i feel is a real shame. Outside of all of this i've been searching for someone compatible on the net, on sites like tagged and facebook, and more recently, fhm dates. What i don't know is whether to believe some girl's sincerity. Sometimes- maybe a self-esteem issue- i feel as though the people i have received messages from, are like moderators who make sure everyone gets a message off someone to feel like the site is working. Can companies really exploit our weaknesses so easily? I just wish that it was more simple. You tell a girl you like her, there's no beating around the bush. Then the girl says she likes you back and you agree to see each other. Oh to be back in the sixties!

Drunk Buzz

It might not be funny to you, but it is to me. I think we all feel more compelled to spill our guts, so to speak, when we've had alcohol to drink. I guess that's why I'm here right now. It's fair to say that I haven't been using my blog for everything I wanted to, I mean, it's my sanctuary, somewhere I can go to heal my feelings when all of my friends are a stretch too far to talk to. I don't know why, but having a blog means I can share my thoughts without really sharing myself, you know?
While I really don't want to analyse my own thoughts right now, it occurs to me that my relative loneliness at the moment is elevated when I've had a drink or two and have nobody to snuggle up to. The person I was in love with and I (I'm not any more, although we are great friends) both feel some loneliness. I also began talking to some female friends and I've improved my confidence but I do feel that it is difficult to be a single person and meet new people. The worst thing is that we are expected to go out at weekends and get this drunk in order to find new people to talk to. Isn't that irony?
One final thought. Wouldn't life be a million times easier if we could all just be 100% blind honest with people? "I like you".... "Well, i like you too"..."drinks at 7 tonight?".... "I'm yours" That's the kind of thing I mean, it's all dragged out, trying to pretend you don't like someone, hiding your true feelings, hinting that you like them without them getting a big head, avoiding getting in to the friend zone while maintaining your credibility and openness. Why can't you just tell someone they're hot without getting that look you give your dog when he's done something on the carpet?! Well, I never claimed to be able to solve the mysteries of life, but at least I'm noticing them more.
Peace.

Death becomes....

Hello.

During some of my usual thoughts when I get in to bed, I thought back on some of the funerals I have had to attend, and the glowing references which were bestowed upon them. What, I thought, would people say about me, if for some reason, my life was to end?

The thoughts were blurry, to say the least, but I'd hope that people would hold me in high regard - I've worked hard throughout my life in school and in employment, I've never been in trouble with the police, I've not got a parking ticket (yet) and I haven't barely had enough of a girlfriend to cheat on one, so I'm more or less going to heaven, right?

The thing which gets me, is that unless you are out there socialising, you don't really know your own strengths and weaknesses, and you have no-one to tell you whether you're being noble or selfish, clever or condescending. I give to two different world charities who give aid to suffering children and people who really need urgent aid, but who, out of all my friends would possibly know the reason why, if I didn't tell them? I could give the money out of a socially nourishing piece of guilt, or I could genuinely give a damn about these people and invest in the hope that I'm channelling my money somewhere that can actually help these people.

I also work hard, to the point where sometimes, I could be seen to be "sucking up", but who out of the people I work with can I consider friends, and therefore, people who know me? They would know that I have pride in my work, a strong work ethic and I don't like leaving things unfinished - in other words I do a good old fashioned job on everything I'm asked to do - no uncleaned surfaces in the kitchen, no unmopped floors, no appliance left on at night and nothing unordered that we need. These are all obviously important things which contribute to the running of a successful kitchen, but to some part-timers, and those who are lazy, they are things which can be glossed over. "I'll just wipe this with a cloth" or "I'll just wet this to make it look like it's been done" are some of the remarks I can't stand to hear.

These are things you'd like people to recognise in your character but you wouldn't call them defining traits that say, your mother would know. But would your son know them if you had one, and would he develop the same ones? I couldn't possibly say, being single and having no children. But I would hope so.

What I'm really getting at, is that to have people remember you for who you are and have everybody in the "crowd" recognise the things you want said in your eulogy, you have to make friends, and try to influence people, putting yourself out there and hope that what you do has an effect on people. Obviously, those who want to have an effect on people, generally do. I just hope that people see the side of me I want them to see and don't see the negatives that sometimes cloud our judgment, don't you? I guess this is part of growing up, making sure that if you want people to see you a certain way, you must portray yourself in that way, and there is no way around that.

Taking Advantage of His Position?

So I've read this article this week - see the link - about Michel Platini. For those who don't know, Platini is president of UEFA - the football governing body of Europe - and he is a legend in his own right, as a footballer, anyway. I for one, am not sure though about his credentials as president - and therefore mouthpiece for UEFA. In my eyes, Platini has far too extreme views, which are also backwards in so many ways.
Football is forward -looking and always has been, as clubs know and players know that those who stand still never improve. They stay where they are and stagnate, but Platini thinks Arsene Wenger, one of England's finest Premier League managers, and a respected one worldwide, is putting business before football and should keep shut about his opinion on goal-line technology. This comes after the bumbling assistant referee in a match in the Coca-cola league, awarded a goal to a team after the ball had gone wide of the posts, not in between them as it should. Call me stupid but errors like that are for blind people, and I mean that in no detriment to the blind. This man should feel like an idiot, and probably does now. Surely though, if we had video replays or goal-line technology, silly things like this that take the news away from the successful teams and great matches, would never happen. This is forward-thinking. If rugby can work with goal line technology, why on earth is the world's most prolific sport not up with the times?
The main problem with Platini is that he seems to be doing a Sepp Blatter - where one makes a fool of oneself in England by making ridiculous extreme comments, while looking good in a Europe that has been fed and eaten up propoganda-style reports of England's hooligan culture (for those who aren't with the times, look up hooligan in Britain's 1980's. Of course, I jest. But you can see why. Britain has worked harder than any nation to quell the desire to kick the opposition fans in to next Saturday, and has done a fantastic job of doing it, with several successful campaigns and police operations. "Hooligans" that are well-known can't travel outside our country and are banned from stadia. We have it covered, Europe. But Platini must be basking in making English football look stupid once again, while Wenger, widely respected in his home country and a regular participant in the french equivalent of Match of the day when garnering opinion, is simply made to look stupid by his countryman.
I've got some simple words for Platini. You were a footballer, but you don't understand the pressures of modern football in a high profile league and you're past your time. You should be working WITH the clubs and managers to see what UEFA can do to improve the game, not criticising some forward-thinking opinion on technology. In plain English: SHUT UP. Hopefully, somebody or everybody will find it necessary to support Wenger's claims and bring Platini to sit down at the table and slice off a piece of humble pie.

Damn

Well, I'd made up a grand old blog at the end of last week and posted it via my mobile phone's MMS capability, but hey, I guess with all the modern tech, i still can't even get an email address right! Typical.
And it was a good one too. Especially since I was half asleep, and talking about what we think about when we try to get to sleep. Basically, I don't know about you, but when I go to sleep, I need to have a distraction now, otherwise every little aspect of my life that I can think of, I will. So, I escape to Smallville, or to New York with Phoebe, Rachel and co, or even to Seattle with Frasier Crane and family. It helps me drop off, but more importantly it distracts my brain for long enough to stop it thinking of every minute aspect of my life, good or bad.
My life is becoming busier and busier and I have meetings coming from my ears and starting before I've got my socks on in the morning. So to speak, of course. Therefore, when I go to bed, I start the path to thought about my meeting - where it will be, how i will get there, when it will start, who I'll be meeting, what he/she will look like, what I will wear. SO as you can see, it's tremendously detailed thought. Why is it that we think so much when we're trying so desperately to relax? The world has heard the old saying for the longest time, that you do your greatest thinking on "the can", and there again, why do we get in to deep thought when we're trying to relax and empty our bowels, to put it medically. Of course, I don't know the answer.
I do, however, wish that I had a better solution than to leave a DVD on the timer and hope to fall asleep after turning the volume down a bit. It's incredibly weird, I know. If I'm not at home, it's a different story... in hotels for example, I can just read for a short while and then just fall asleep whenever I like. But my room is like my hub and everything in it has something about me that I can think of. Is it dangerous to live like that?
I've just found the answer. I need to move house and have a bedroom that is only my bedroom, nothing else! That is the only way..... and it appears the only way to figure out one's problems, is to talk about them. Thanks for listening.

First Post

Good morning, good evening and good night, welcome to the first post. Hopefully, I'll be making general comments based on what's going on in the world, also specifically in my life and my friends' lives. Basically, I want to share my views of life with you, the world.
So I'm a former student, I live in England, I do love football, but I hope it isn't the main topic of most of my posts on this blog. It will get a mention, though. I mean, take today, September the 1st (well, it was when I first started to write, it's now 0.42 past 2nd Sept!) is the transfer deadline day for football. A novel invention by football's global idiot power consortium. "Let's make it harder for all the teams to compete, by boxing all of their transfers in to two one-month periods"... that's what they said. But it sure as hell sparks some fun to watch - Robinho, Real Madrid's starlet Robinho has signed for Manchester City - eternal hopefuls but always moaners, and then Dimitar Berbatov has finally gone to Manchester United! The end of one saga, but there will still be many more going on as the season goes by, especially approaching the next window in January. Well, at least Gareth Barry can rest in his Villa slippers for a few months and resist any more speculation about him going to Liverpool.
Football has always "survived" on the interest created by the media about transfers and results, but I put survived in the inverted commas, because it isn't surviving - it's well alive and mutilating in to a true world sport which makes clubs crave domination and success not only in their own countries, but also in other continents. Yet are football and the media (in Britain, at least) able to survive independently? Would The Sun sell half as many papers without it's leading tabloid stance on football rumour-mongering and widespread match coverage? I know that I buy the newspaper mainly to read their coverage of the sport, not for their in-depth and challenging editorials. Perhaps I'm not crediting other newspapers enough - let alone their readership - but I think the nation's interest in football as the national sport boosts the media and the popularity of football allows newspapers and TV channels such as Sky Sports News to boost their own popularity.
Well, as I get ready for another day at work tomorrow, I hope my addiction to Smallville doesn't stop me from getting to sleep..
Adios
PW